The Secret Life of Midwives

While visiting my soul sister, Cathy, I was invited into her sacred world of midwifery. I arrived at her home on a Saturday night, right in the middle of a party, celebrating the conclusion of a birthing class she'd taught. There were six couples, two of the couples were there to share their birth stories, and the other four happily/anxiously awaiting the birth of their baby. Cathy introduced me to the group and explained that I may be attending with her at any one of their births. I was amazed that no one seemed to balk at the idea, or at least, no one did in my presence.

I cannot say I was positively up for the idea of witnessing one of Cathy's births. I didn't know how I would react. I didn't know if I would get squeamish. I didn't know if I'd be more of a bother than a help. I even worried about getting bored! But, I'm learning this about my lifetime friend.... she is exceptionally skilled at easing me out of my comfort zone, and I trust her. She makes me want to be a better person. She has faith in my abilities, when I am busy questioning myself. I had to turn myself over to her confidence and follow her lead.

Of this I am sure - Cathy is skilled, gifted, and born to this Earth to support and love couples as they welcome their babies to their family.

It was the evening of July 4, and Cathy got into her own preparatory mode. She started getting towels packed, looked over her birthing basket to restock necessary items, checked that her oxygen tank was working properly, and basically, getting herself ready for whomever called her first. Everything was in order, ready to go.

Birth #1
July 5, it's time. We got the car packed and I accompanied Cathy to the home of our first birth of the week. We gathered her bags, baskets, and duffles, and proceeded to the home. As we were walking through the complex, Cathy said, "Isn't it cool that there is all this living going on around here, but in one apartment, there is a baby getting ready to be born?" Yes, it was very cool.

This is one of those experiences that as soon as it's over, you can't remember how you'd pictured it to be. We entered an apartment that was quiet, soothing, and prepared. Candles were lit, a well chosen playlist was creating a deliberate mood, and a beautiful laboring mom welcomed us into her home. Husband greeted us politely, but it was obvious he was there for one person, and she owned his attention. What soon struck me, as wonderful, was the fact that this couple had created their birth scene. It was staged in the way that the two of them had chosen as the best way to bring their new baby into their loving world. I would learn later in the week, that these birth scenes are personal,individual,and equally beautiful.

As Cathy gave her attention to the mom, as a support, not a director, I found myself feeling completely soothed, relaxed, and taken in by the calming energy in the home. Cathy gave me the recording job, documenting events, heart rates, stations, etc. Parents asked if I'd take pictures. Both of these assignments were within my capabilities, and made me feel within my personal parameters of being useful.

The laboring mom kept herself moving, feeling her body's work, breathing herself along the natural path her body was creating for this event. What really impressed me about this mother was that she seemed to own her labor. She was working with it, keeping herself on top of the discomfort (PC term for pain) in a way to work through it, not tightening against it. I could see her concentration and determination to not let it get the best of her. I thought she looked radiantly beautiful. I wish I could see the pictures of her, because I was sure I was capturing her deepest beauty as she performed her great task.

Then, it was apparent that she had transitioned into a deeper level of labor. Her participation in conversation ceased, as she entered a much more demanding phase. She started to vocalize more, as had been discussed and practiced in the birthing classes. Moaning is not a purely accurate description. It is an expulsion of energy. Release. Flow. Using her voice to work with the pain, not against it. I found it to be an empowering, earthy sound.

Cathy is positioned close by, quietly reading the mother's movements and sounds. She seems to know the exact time to suggest an adjustment in position. She offers help. I watch Cathy watch the mom. Cathy uses well experienced measures of intuition and medical knowledge. A perfect balance.

There is no denying that the time was starting to approach. Mom's intensity creates a heightened energy in the room. It pumps into everyone, a blanket of adrenaline, so that all present are prepared for action. The energy is still pure and good, not a manic energy at all. I'd describe it more as a living energy. I'm pretty sure Cathy has grown addicted to this energy. It is full of life.

Mom is in the birthing pool, and we see her baby begin to emerge. Cathy is guiding her with gentle words, as well as guiding her baby from her body. I really don't know what the time frame was during this part of the birth. I'm not sure I was breathing. The baby is a good size, and his shoulders are not coming through easily. Cathy doesn't exhibit any signs of anxiety or fear. In a very controlled tone, she instructs the dad and me to help her lift mom out of the birthing pool and place her gently on the towels already spread on the floor. Cathy needs a better position to help get this baby's shoulders turned.

Cathy and mom are working together, and there is a general sense of urgency, but Cathy is not showing any signs of distress, she is completely focused. She enlists us to help this mom turn to her hands and knees, hoping that position will help turn the baby and allow Cathy to get a better grip (I'm thinking). AH!! The baby is out, and in one motion, Cathy hands him through mom's legs to her, so she instantly has her new baby boy in her arms. A family grew before my eyes.

My novice, supremely naive self thought that we'd clean up, pack up, and get home in time for a tasty lunch. It was just a little after 2:00 pm, so I allowed myself to start thinking about eating. I'd forgotten that, at one time, Cathy had explained to me that her role elevates at the moment of birth. This is when a midwife's skill, knowledge, and expertise are most needed. And, this mom needed Cathy.

Mom, dad, and baby got themselves to the bed, leaving behind a graphic reminder that this birth wasn't completely smooth sailing. Cathy joined them, waiting for the placenta to pass, tending to mom, and checking the happy condition of new baby. Since I had nothing with which to compare, I thought this was all within the norm for a birth. Later, I would learn that this was one of Cathy's more difficult births. I would have never known had she not shared that. Nothing about Cathy's demeanor indicated anything other than normal. Nor, did this incredible mother show any panic, fear, or frustration. I witnessed the peak of female strength.

I also experienced a new concept of time. Birthing time. Time is not measured by a traditional clock. It is internally measured. It is transitionally measured. Time during a birth moves separately from the outside world. As I mentally retrace this birth story, from my vantage point, I find myself recalling time in different increments. Cathy's midwife partner, Briana arrived. What time? Sometime after the placenta! 15 minutes after placenta?

Briana's arrival brought new eyes, fresh perspective. She was not drained by the focus necessary for the labor and birth. As Cathy addressed some of the mom's issues, Briana was now available as a collaborative partner and a team member. She entered, scanned, assessed, and jumped into helping Cathy. She appeared to do this quite effortlessly, making it look everyday and breezy. Personally, I was relieved to see her! I didn't know what Cathy might ask me to do next.

A baby was born at 2:07 pm. This is the only exact time documented. We were packed up and driving away sometime around 6 pm.

On July 5, my world expanded.