Secrets, Quirks, Compulsions

I've been spending time mentally listing all the private weirdnesses I enjoy.


I like Hostess Snowballs. I don't eat them often, but I lust for them often. When I meet someone else who admits they too have an occasional hankerin' for a snowball, there is a universal spark of kindredship. People are hesitant to publicly admit they like snowballs.

I check the flatness of my stomach compulsively. NOT that I HAVE a flat stomach. I guess, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I believe that there is a possibility that during the night, while in a deep sleep, the "Flat Stomach Fairy" will wave her stomach-flattening wand over me, and I'll wake up with a washboard midriff. So far, she hasn't found me.

I don't watch the Kardashians (often), but I'm curious about them. Since I can say that Khloe is my favorite Kardashian, I know they have a clothing boutique called Dash, I know Kourtney's baby is named Mason, and, in my opinion, Bruce's revamped facelift looks much better, I suppose I know too much about them.


I also watch Family Guy. AND, I laugh! I know, it's the lowest form of humor on TV. It isn't uncommon for me to groan during a show, but still, I think it's pretty funny. Really, a baby with a snobby British accent, who feels superior to his entire family, and the most stable, intelligent family member is the dog, Brian? Good stuff. At least I don't watch any of the Real Housewives. Now THAT would be sick.

I honk at squirrels. Not to warn them I'm coming so they'll run out of the way (even though, I do that if they're in the road). No, I honk to startle them on the side of the road. Sadly, my new car, or, I should say, my most recent car doesn't have a good squirrel startling horn. The best horn is on a smaller car, quick and beepy. I used to be quite obsessed by it. I couldn't drive Hwy. 41 without numerous honks. Sometimes, I'd make predictions according to how many squirrels I could scare. I'd pick a random number, let's say 5. Then I'd think of something I hoped would be waiting for me at home..... a cleaned kitchen, no pressing bills in the mail, Anthony having a feeling good day... then I'd begin my challenge. If I could startle 5 squirrels before reaching Hwy. 198, then my choice of prediction would occur. The next car I buy, I'm doing a squirrel test drive.

My latest secret alone snack is pretzel rods dipped in canned frosting. Try it. It's quite yummy. (refer back to my morning ritual of checking for a flat stomach - obviously, for no good reason).

I cuss a LOT at other drivers on the road, but I never let them know I'm verbally abusing them in the sanctuary of my own vehicle. I don't flash dirty looks. I don't flip anyone off, but I can blast off a stream of foul words, directed at them and sometimes directed toward their relatives too.

I can't drink cold beverages out of a mug. Can't.

I don't drink sodas very often, but when I do, I drink them at room temperature. No ice. They're bubblier.

I like the feeling of having my eyebrows waxed.

Since I can't think of any more weirdnesses, I'm feeling that I'm a boring person. I'm going to have to give this more thought.