Plans change/historic decisions

1980....

In 1980 I was working in the Santa Cruz Mts. I was a naturalist for an Outdoor Ed. School. I loved it. My days were spent outside, from 8 am to 10 pm. I took 6th graders on hikes, teaching about the redwood forest, the chaparral, the stream, nature in general. I held creatures that children handed to me. I licked the slime on banana slugs (why? because that is what naturalists did). I pointed out wood rats (nicknamed "pack rats". very cute if not indoors). I caught newts, and showed them to my students. I had a talent for finding trapdoor spiders. I taught about the night sky, and I was able to point out a number of constellations. I lived in and with nature.

I loved this job, but it wasn't a year-round position. I felt guilty because my dear daddy had completely funded my college education. I had a BA from Cal Poly and a teaching credential, but I was not making much money. Certainly not enough to support myself. I lived at the camp. I worked from January to May 1979, then I went back to San Luis Obispo to complete my credential, and returned for another season in Santa Cruz. In May of 1980 I knew I had to find a teaching job. It was time to "get serious."

No one put any pressure on me. My parents never asked "When are you going to get a real job?" I put the pressure on myself. But, secretly, I was very frightened to enter the adult world of full time employment. A career!!!! I had the documents that claimed I was capable. The state of California deemed me worthy of teaching children. I was qualified!

I drove home from Santa Cruz at the end of May. I was going to stay in Lemoore for a week or two, then try to get a job in Visalia and live with my friend, Roberta. Easy, plans for fun, and it seemed right, since I'd lived with Barbara while going to COS, then lived with Gail during our Cal Poly years... so, it was Roberta/Gina time! I didn't have a concrete long-term plan, but this would definitely do for the time being.

Plans change.
Within a week of my return, disaster struck. My dear daddy had been diagnosed with brain cancer the previous November. He'd had surgery and they'd removed the tumor. Later, I was to be reminded that I had been sitting in the hospital waiting room, with my mom and siblings, when the doctor said the tumor was malignant, and would likely grow back. My brain did not, would not, hear that. I think my brain only processed that he made it through surgery, blah, blah, blah. Now, the tumor had returned. He'd just had a clear check up 3 months prior, but it was back..... growing quickly and growing large. Plans changed. I stayed in Lemoore that summer. I was not prepared, nor mature enough to handle this dark cloud of death. I selfishly avoided the issue as much as I could. On August 16, 1980, my dad died.

What I'm getting at is this... at the age of 23, I made some decisions that plotted the course of my life! Plans changed. I was devastated, scared, and empty. Within 3 weeks of my dad's death, I came down with mono and hepatitis A (from working with the feces of gypsy moths during that summer.... another story). I was so sick, very sick for 3 to 4 weeks, then another 2 weeks bouncing back.

My course changed in 1980.

*Instead of remaining open to working almost anywhere in the state, I wanted to stay close to home. (historic decision)

*I was offered a 2nd grade teaching job at Island Elementary School in Lemoore. Great little school. After some thought, I turned it down. I did not feel I had the emotional strength to do a good job as a classroom teacher. Not yet. (historic decision)

*I got another naturalist job. This time in the foothills above Springville. I taught the Bird Study. Loved it there. A totally different experience than my Santa Cruz job.

*There were different boys/men during this time. Still working at unwrapping myself from Gary (that too, is another story), meeting some new people, having pseudo-fun. Really a transition time, now that I look back.

*In May of 1981, I decided, again, to try to get serious about a classroom teaching job.

*I was hired to work at YMCA Camp in Sequoia Park. I decided not to do this. (historic decision)

*I got a job as a waitress in a new restaurant/bar in Hanford called "The Bastille" (historic decision)

Because of these decisions....

*I met Anthony while working at The Bastille.

*By turning down a job with Island School, I was hired, a year later, to teach 4th grade at Stratford School.

*I am still living in Lemoore.

I was 23 at the time I was making these youthful decisions. I don't remember struggling much with them. I just followed the flow of the river. I had no idea that I was being led to "my life"..... I was led to lifelong committments, a lifelong path, a plan that would color who I am.