Poster's Block

I have no inspiring thoughts.
I don't expect to inspire anyone, but I do enjoy inspiring myself when I write out my brain glitter.

My face hurts. It feels raw. I'm afraid to look at it again. Either I scrubbed too hard or I'm having a reaction to the pain patch I put on my hand today (Myles' suggestion). I don't like to use other people's medications. I should stick with my gut.

I have a new bed. It's 8:56 pm. I want to go to bed, so I can feel the new mattress and the new white sheets.

I have a new great niece. Dominique Bettencourt. I already love her, but I've only seen a text pic. Her parents are so smart and beautiful. I think she might be a princess.

I want to go to South Jordan. I want to go for walks and talk. I want to drink hot cocoa, then have a cleansed colon.

I have a book in my head. A children's book. I'm writing it. I am! I need to sit in my invisible chair and create a story line. My characters are ready to go.

Something feels "off".

I'm going to be in the San Francisco St. Patrick's Day parade! I'll be the one wearing a green shirt.

I'm going to look at my face now.

Living the present

Living in the present
past experiences are foundations of lessons, repairs, padding, checkpoints
future is hope, implementation, creation, direction, anticipation.

but, what about the now?

Today is both a foundation and a creation.
Today belongs to me right now.
Today is at its best, if I let it.
Today is opportunity.
Today is the crossroad between yesterday and tomorrow.
Today is only 24 hours.... good or bad, it only lasts 24 hours.
So, right now, today? I feel happy, in general.
I feel loose in my direction, but trying to straighten out.
I will be with friends and there will be laughter. That's a good day.
My choices will be simple and uncomplicated. I will remember to be grateful (thank you) that I don't have any lifechanging decisions to make today.

I have my foundation, and it is stable. Thank you.
Life long friends... wow. This defines a huge part of me. Thank you.
Deep love of family. Given and received. Big thank you.

Today.
Today.
Today.

I'm in the middle of my own era.

2010- realignment?

I feel strange.
I feel change coming.
I'm kind of apprehensive.
Remaining uplifted feels weighted, but not heavy.
Maybe it's just winter doldrums.
This is going to take some work.

guide me

Guide me into 2010

experience more
eat right
stop, breathe, appreciate
spend time with the real people
outdoors
spirit
connections
paint
essential oils
enjoy my crystals
add to the garden
10 minutes a day of quiet thought
remind myself they are children, not testing stats
take Jake on a road trip
Ukiah
expanding light retreat
Jackson Hole
Phoenix
Sedona
visit my brother
prepare myself
exercise (I mean it!)
journal write
step out of comfort zone more
1 new dish a month (one that lasts)
stray from the plan when necessary (and often)
remember "myaswell"
smoky barriers only
carry my happiness with me




..........to be continued

Myaswell.....

Driving to Bakersfield. No fog. Good sign.
Burger King veggie burger at Phoenix airport. What's up with that??
US Airways changes my gate. How was I to know? Almost missed boarding.
60+ish lady in black tights, black fur-lined boots, short ruffly skirt, busy holiday sweater. I was oddly curious.
My friend greets me. The purpose.
Family night. Honored to be included. Balderdash. Delish refreshments(thanks, Jade)
Late nights... soak up all the time we can.
Gateway. Lost car in garage. Found.
Temple Square. Inspiring. Beautiful.
Red Iguana. Oh yes!!
Mountain View.
I love Margaret so much.
My sweet new girl, Amy, fixes us a great dinner. I liked watching her kitchen ease.
Bureau of Reclamation mug. Treasured. Dan is missing in my visits. Hurts.
Appalachian kinfolk.
Rock band rocks.
Cameron kisses. "Shake what your mama gave ya"
Late drive. Watch for wildlife.
Day of no plans. Perfect.
Paul McCartney. He's lovely.
Dagoda cocoa with cayenne. Yummy. Tummy rumbles. Cleansing.
Baby Jack. Darling. Happy. Bright.
Presley. Two happy feet. Noodle arms.Funny camels. Are they lumpy, bumpy, or grumpy?
Golden Braid.
Too bundled up. Menopausal flash. Start stripping layers in the store.
Massage stones. Can't wait to use them.
Oasis. seared ahi. Carob and pistachio soup?? Oh. Carrot and pistachio. Either way... dinner was perfect.
Chuck hesitantly joined us. I was glad he stayed.
Sundance.
Horrifying scales.
Boots that felt like my feet were dipped in concrete blocks. And you want me to walk in these?
Nice people. Encouraging. Liars, in the best of ways.
Rope tow.. butt trails.. squeals of delight? Really? Rescue.
Cathy skis like nobody's business.
Gina. Not so much. Nice winter wear though.
White cotton. White snow. and n'er the twain shall meet.
How do you spell Johanne? g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s.
Up on skis.
Down.
Can't get up.
Up on skis.
Down.
Can't get up. "Oh, hi Cathy! What? your 3rd time down the hill?"
I'm pissed.
Up.
Down.
Let me enjoy the beauty surrounding me.
Cathy's down. There's blue snow. It's not good.
boots off. Tinker Bell returns.
Old bones. Hot tub temporarily remedies aches.
Carson is smart. Really. Watch him. He knows.
How many calories does laughing burn? We should be runway models.
Packing for home. Many new treasures in my suitcase.
Another successful adventure.
Cathy is a jumper. I'm a toe tester. Compliment.
I am friend rich. Heaven touched. Heart full.

Songs

I have a song in my head, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Don't you think we all have a song list we wish we could sing? Really sing. Here's the beginning of my list:

Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Judy Garland style
Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Bruddah Iz style
Ave Maria
Crazy
In My Life
Livin' On the Edge
(probably all the songs I have playing on this blog)

thinking, singing, humming...... what are your songs?

The Stockings Are Hung

A few years ago, I was not having a good holiday season. It was the last week of school before vacation, and I was in survival mode, amidst children deserving of their Christmas high energy. It was after lunch, and it was time to read "Polar Express" to the students. Reading after lunch is truly calming to the students, and equally calming to me. I'm always amazed,but privately pleased, that I have students unfamiliar with this heartwarming Christmas story. I love witnessing the thrill of this story. After I'd finished reading, we started talking about our Santa beliefs (always a fascinating conversation with 8 year olds). One student said, "Santa doesn't come to Stratford." He said it so matter-of-factly, no hint of sadness, just stating the facts. I showed complete surprise and disbelieve!! "What?!? What do you mean, Santa doesn't come to Stratford?!" And his response.... "We don't have chimneys."

And my story sprouted.

I told them that Santa knew how to get into all homes, afterall, he was Santa!! He especially has close ties with schools, since they are places where large groups of children congregate. Getting into a classroom is small potatoes for Santa. So, we glittered our names on stockings (need I tell you that the Dollar Store is a Godsend to teachers?!?) and hung them before leaving on our winter break. The children were true believers that Santa would deliver.

Another story sprouted.

I told my students that my father had found a bell on Christmas morning, many years ago. I explained my father's age at my birth, so he would be over 100 years old if he were still alive!!! Wow!!! Stories that happen a long time ago are much more believable! My dad's parents didn't have a lot of money, so toys were out of the question at Christmas.... Christmas was a few gifts, mostly important items like socks, a toothbrush, maybe some hard candy. And, in those days, Santa only gifted the basics.

My story unfolded, as I described my father and his little sister, my aunt, playing outside on Christmas morning. They were playing when something glistened and caught my father's eye. He went to investigate, and discovered this bell on the ground. He and his sister where thrilled, since this was the closest thing to a toy they had. They were sure it was a gift intended especially for them! The bell, just like the bell in the Polar Express, could only be heard by my father and his little sister. His parents were not able to hear the tinkling sound, and they thought it was just a silly piece of metal. But, my father and his sister knew exactly where it had come from.... it was from Santa's sleigh! That was the only explanation! They lived way out in the country, no neighbors, no one had visited their home!

I told my students that when I was about 8 or 9 years old, I heard kids talking on the playground, questioning the existence of Santa. I went home a little sad that day, and asked my dad, "Daddy? Is Santa real?"

He took me into his bedroom and climbed up on a chair to reach something way in the back of his closet. He brought before me, a beautiful box. It was red, with black velvet lining, and wrapped in linen handkerchief was a bell. The bell.

My story grew, right before my needing students. I was on a roll! I looked out at the faces of 8 year olds, who really wanted to know that their teacher believed in Santa. I told them, to this day I have that bell that my father found. And, each year, I ring it for my son, who is now an adult. And each year, we continue to hear it's tinkling sound, and we laugh, clap, and rejoice in our belief!

I told that class that I would bring the bell to school the following day.

When I arrived, I was greeted by anxious students running my way, wanting to know only one thing.... did I bring the bell?! Yes, and we'll ring it in class.

Once in class, I opened the box with careful drama. I gingerly lifted the bell out, and at once, I was surrounded by gasps. I held it up, holding it so the clacker would move at the precise moment I needed the sound. There were smiles, wide eyes, and even a few tentative faces.... I'm sure worried they wouldn't hear the bell. Then, I slowly started to move the bell, until we started to hear the tinkling. "I hear it!!!!" "Do you still hear it, Mrs. Wiens?!" The room exploded in cheers and validation. YES! Santa lives!!! I knew it!!!!

We ran all over the school, from adult to adult. The children would ask, "Do you here this?" Of course! Happy squeals, cartwheels, jumping. Then, one of my students asked me, "Do the deaf students hear the bell?" I answered, "Well, I'm pretty sure they do, but maybe not in the way we do. I think they might hear it in their heart. Let's go see." The Deaf and Hard of Hearing class was outside, and I found Brian, one student who wore a hearing aid, and I knew he had some hearing. One of my students went to him with the bell and rang it. "Do you hear this?" Brian signed, "Yeah, I hear it."

It was a done deal.

So, today, I read the story. I shared the bell. And, for another year, my students lifted my holiday spirit. They believe without question. Their reactions come from a place of purity.

And in my room is a giant letter to Santa. For, he will come to our class while we are on vacation. He will leave toys and goodies in each students' stocking. And in his goodness, he will grant our letter's wish. When my students dig into their stockings on their return to school in January, each of them will delight in the discovery of a single silver bell in the toe of their stocking.

My heart believes.