Sage Cleanse

I decided to sage my home today. I do it whenever I feel like it needs an energy uplift. I love the deep smell of the sage. I love how the smoke curls up from the bundle, like it knows it's purpose. I ask the sage to gather any negativity in my home and corral it, then carry it out of the open windows after it's been harvested.

I felt better afterwards.

This is my spirit basket. Contents are:

* sage bundle from Mendocino County
* smudging feather - purchased with sage
* palo santo stick
* labradorite - (protective while traveling. This one is going to Utah)
* jet (naturally protective)- Brass Unicorn in Fresno
* snowflake obsidian - (new beginnings) - Ojai
* not sure what the white one is, how it got in there, or where I got it.

My boy

My boy gave me a beautiful card, with a heartfilled message. His heart is good and gentle to me year 'round (mostly). We went out for lunch together and talked. His bedroom is now my office, and we sat in the transformed room together. He sat in my "invisible chair" and mentioned that this used to be his room. I looked around the room, and enjoyed my mental photo album.

This room used to be a nursery. I pictured the first time I changed his diaper when we brought him home from the hospital. I was inexperienced, clumsy, and unsure. Anthony and my mom stood at my left and right, each looking over my shoulder.

I looked at the floor, because in those days, I didn't use a changing table or the crib. I liked to change his diaper on the floor. I pictured a naked baby crawling away from me, squealing and giggling at the fresh breeze on his behind.

I pictured a happy, smiling baby, standing in the same crib, waiting for his mother to lift him out.

I saw the race car bed and a little boy sleeping in it.

I saw twin beds, with Jake in one and me in the other. I had more difficult detachment issues than he did.

I saw clothes, toys, and miscellaneous crap everywhere. And an irritated and overwhelmed mom.

I heard the slamming door of a frustrated and angry teenager.

I saw a teenager sitting in his room, with his sketch pad, drawing and creating.

I saw a room with posters everywhere, and pin/nail holes sprinkled randomly across every wall (and the ceiling)

I saw other boys, friends, sitting in this room, sleeping on this floor.

And now, I looked at a young man, sitting across from me, with plans, dreams, and wonder-ifs running through his head.

I look at a young man who grew in me, and I have grown because of him.


I have only one person on this earth who calls me mom. His name is Jake. He's my baby. He's my boy. He's my family.

Water Recipe

Cucumber, fresh mint, and ginger. No measurements, go with what you feel. I find that the mint dominates in taste, while the cucumber creates an early, spring morning freshness. I was careful in adding the ginger, because I didn't want it to turn out too gingery. I peeled the ginger and only added 3 or 4 quarter sized slices. I think I'll add more.



I'm not an eager water-drinker. This is a nice water to drink. Actually, this has to be very stomach settling, with the mint and ginger.

Give it a try.

Shadow-dancing with Insanity

There is a chunk of time in the early evening, that I like to call "limbo'clock." After dinner, it's a time when there's nothing really to do or think about, sort of an empty time. It's too late for a nap, but too early for bed, yet, not enough time to get involved in anything exciting. Often, during limbo'clock I'll decide to drive to Hanford for some random shopping.

Tonight, my initial intention was to go to Michael's (Stepford craft women ---- shivers!). I need to get my supplies for Mothers' Day projects. I'm not a religious Michael's shopper, so I wasn't aware that the store closed at 7 pm on Sundays. I arrived at.... 7 pm. So, I walked two doors down to Marshalls, walked through with only a slight interest, bought some workout clothes (whatever) and left.

Next, I went to Target, because I needed laundry soap. I completely love the randomness that is available by shopping at Target. The only "must purchase" necessary was the soap. But, really... why waste a drive and Target trip for only one item!? So, I started my zigzag through the store.

At some point, I started to feel out of my body. It was like I wanted to rush through the store and pretend I was in a shopping sweepstakes! The urge to *make purchases* was building momentum inside me. I really needed nothing, but I wanted to buy stuff.

I looked at:

Keurig coffee pods
kitchen cafe curtains
bedding (I think I have a bedding fetish)
wall shelves
bar stools
iPods
TVs
CDs
exercise balls
hangers
purses
clutch/wallets
make up
computer ink
books
baby clothes (Diane, you may very well benefit from my insanity)

I DID mention random shopping, didn't I? As I was morphing into a moth around a Target porch light, I started to focus on this inner urge to buy something. I really felt like just throwing crap into my cart. I was wondering what it felt like to start a slow boil to insanity.

When I was wandering through the book section, I saw a number of books I would love to buy and read, which brought to mind that some years ago I lost my ability to really read. Okay, I still know HOW to read, but I never do that - nose in a book - kind of reading. I loved that kind of reading. I feel like I've lost a chunk of my attention span for reading. I read a couple of pages, then I close the book. I've narrowed down the reason to 1)eyesight dwindle and/or 2)no place in the house with good lighting and comfort. I have lighting OR comfort, but nowhere with both.

Back to the insanity. I started thinking about this lack of reading attention, and started to wonder if this is some early stage of fading away from intellectual strength? Should I force myself to read? I like to read. I just don't read intensely. I'm thinking I should keep my reading brain in good shape, or I might lose brain tone. My brain might get flabby. It's happening to other parts of me, the brain might be losing it's tone too. (Keep in mind, I probably appeared to be a normal shopper, but these were the thoughts that were running through my mind).

Wait! Maybe blogging is keeping my brain in shape! Oh, not if I write randomly. Oh great! Now I'm just encouraging my own abstract randomness.

Well, one thing that is comforting. I completely filled in my limbo'clock and it's now time for bed. Which leads me to the thrill that my sheets are white and freshly washed. Ahhhhh.

summer

I keep thinking about summer. Not the heat. Each season fogs the memory of how hot summer can be. So does indoor air conditioning.

I'm thinking about my travel plans and my first big solo, cross state line adventure.

I love to plan for "something". To pick up the idea in my head and look at it from every angle.

I love options and researching the best option.

How can I get the most bang for my buck? Southern route the first leg and take the across/northern route on the return trip.

I love an open-ended plan, with no restrictions. I really love no restrictions.

I wonder what my brain will think about during those hours alone on the road?

I will plan my music playlist and I'll plan on loud singing on the way.

I'll try to not be in a hurry.

I'm excited to have my own car so I can throw in whatever I need and probably a lot of what I won't need. (no restrictions)

Oh! I just remembered... SNACKS!!

I need this trip. I need to breathe. I need to reboot.

I feel screamy in my heart!